Tag Archives: sports

Sports Nightmares: The Anti-Bucket List

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https://lovetheonlything.com/balaam/ Everyone has a bucket list.  You know, that list of stuff you want to do before your time is up.  For sports fans, the bucket list consists of far-fetched wishes like visiting every major league baseball stadium, attending all four tennis grand slams, or buying tickets to game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals.  Many fans enjoy immersing themselves in the excitement of the game, which is why they love tuning in to 스포츠중계. The perfect sports getaway is a possibility that exists in our dreams but usually not in our bank accounts.  You’ll often hear fans say “Wouldn’t it be awesome if…?”  They speak as if there’s some sort of magical sports genie who will one day grant all their wishes to see the biggest games and meet the biggest stars.

source url What isn’t talked about, are sports nightmares.  That’s right; those are the events you would never want to see.  They are the games you would consider a form of pure torture to have to sit through.  Maybe the sports genie turns out to be evil and you are subjected to some of the worst moments a fan could ever experience.  You would rather spend an entire day at the mall shopping with your wife, than be granted free tickets to any of these events.  You would volunteer to attend a wedding on a college football Saturday before you’d volunteer to watch even a minute of these competitions.

https://www.adaptx.ca/services/compliance/ So here they are, ten of the most painful, and mind-numbingly brutal events a sports fan could ever be forced to witness.

Turn in your man card…now. (courtesy news.xinhuanet.com)

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I know these fellas can do some amazing tricks on ice, but as a dude, it’s never okay to put on spandex and glitter and be happy about it.  Start competing in regular clothes and maybe you’ll earn a shred of my respect, although even a pair of khakis or a designer suit can’t make up for all the prancing and jazz hands.   It’s embarrassing to watch a grown man wearing six pounds of makeup and a flesh colored leotard.  I don’t know how people watch this without squirming at the utter absurdity of the whole sport.  The only thing more humiliating than participating in men’s figure skating is admitting that you watch men’s figure skating.   This has to be the reason why people first started putting two TV’s in their home.

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Want To Be A Coach? No You Don’t.

Scott Brooks' job only looks glamorous, there's many more moments full of frustration. (courtesy aolnews.com, nba/getty images)

The coach is always an easy target.  If your team looks bad, the knee-jerk reaction is always to blame the coach.  If players aren’t living up to their potential, must be the coach’s fault.  If there’s a key breakdown at a crucial moment in the game, the coach is clearly an idiot.  If your team’s fortunes don’t turn around immediately, this coach must not be the right man for the job.  If your kid isn’t getting enough playing time, the coach must have no idea what he’s doing.

Professional and collegiate coaches get paid big bucks, and I’m sure many of you would trade places with them in a heartbeat.  Not me.  No thank you.  I’m not sure the paycheck is worth the constant pressure, scrutiny, hatred, name-calling and second-guessing that coaches put up with from fans, players, and media.  Even if you can handle it, what about the toll it takes on your family?  Every day, your kids get to hear about why you stink at your job.   Entire websites are created just to promote and encourage your firing.  Your demise is almost imminent from the moment you take the job, because there is no sympathy, no grace, and zero tolerance in the what-have-you-done-for-me-lately world of sports.  These days, owners fire coaches like it’s a bodily function.

Let’s say you’ve got thick skin, and can get past all the material pointing out every reason why you’re an imbecile.  Good for you.  Now all you’ve got to do is take a group of men, women, or children and turn them into winners.  Do that by managing several different personalities, varying backgrounds, an assortment of skill levels, and a dizzying array of attitudes.  You have to know who to coddle and who to criticize.  Who gets treated tenderly and who gets a dose of tough love?  Make sure you earn your players respect, but don’t be too hard on them.  Keep things fun and entertaining, but not too fun, because then you’ll lose that respect.  Keep players happy with minutes and playing time, and you better know how to massage the ego of your stars and high draft picks.  And if you happen to be a high school coach, good luck explaining to parents why Timmy didn’t make varsity.  That’s a fun conversation.

Continue reading Want To Be A Coach? No You Don’t.

Call Me Commish

Acting as Commissioner of a professional sports league cannot be an easy job.  It requires business savvy, knowledge of the law, negotiating skills, and the ability to wade through piles of criticism while maintaining a tough, confident appearance.  Most of the job responsibilities aren’t glamorous, and the hours are long.  Commissioners are rarely praised and often vilified.  For the most part, I think the four Commissioners, David Stern (NBA), Roger Goodell (NFL), Bud Selig (MLB), and Gary Bettman (NHL), do a pretty decent job.  But every fan wonders what it would be like to be in charge.  We’d all love to take the ownership reigns of our favorite team for a week, but how does one attempt to change an entire league?  Well, like this for starters.

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Is anyone else tired of talking about the same players and the same teams over and over? (courtesy bumpshack.com)

The first thing I’d address as NBA Commissioner is what I like to call the “redundancy factor.”  The league’s biggest problem is that 75 percent of its teams are almost irrelevant.  This is a league that revolves around seven or eight franchises at the most.  The conversation, the media, and the telecasts, focus on these so-called elite teams like the Lakers, Celtics, Spurs, Mavericks, Heat, and Magic.  The rest of the league is barely worth talking about and that has to change.  The gap between the “haves” and “have-nots” has to close for the NBA to become an all-around better product, because when only a few teams have an actual shot to win a title before the season even starts, then why is the regular season interesting?  Where’s the drama?  Right now, we’re all just biding our time until the playoffs start.  In my mind, the best way to solve this problem is contraction.  I know it’s a dirty word, but it’s time.  Too many small market teams (Milwaukee, Utah, Sacramento) acquire star players only to see them bolt in a couple years for one of the big cities.  The teams that can hold onto stars are eventually forced to trade them away because the players have too much power (i.e. Carmelo Anthony and Deron Williams).  Getting rid of six teams would help bring the league back into a better competitive balance.  Talent wouldn’t be spread so thin, and increased parity is the result.  In other words, a more interesting, compelling NBA than what we have right now.  It gives me no pleasure to do it, but I’m taking the ax to these teams:

Continue reading Call Me Commish

Embrace Winter With Odd Snow Sports

It’s still hard to believe when I look out my window.  Oklahoma has been completely dumped on by the full force of Winter’s wrath.  I feel like I’m back living in Canada minus the snow plows, sand trucks, knowledgeable drivers, and overall preparedness by society to continuing functioning.

Your kids have been out of school and on the Xbox so long, they’re losing brain cells faster than you can shovel the white stuff off your driveway.  Maybe you feel trapped and helpless.  Maybe you’re going stir-crazy and watching the Price Is Right got old after day three.  Warmer temperatures are on the way, but in the meantime here are few ways (some are even legal) you can rid yourself of the boredom and embrace what remains of winter.

These are sports, er…activities.  Some can be enjoyed here at home, others might suit you if you’re really, really, really, into winter…and sharks.

click 1. Order Pregabalin Online Skitching

This is kind of like sledding, only illegal.  Skitching is the art of being towed by a car while on skis, a snowboard, a saucer, or even boots with no tread.  Almost any neighborhood or side street is the ideal venue.  The great part about skitching is how many options you have.  If you don’t have rope, just grab onto the bumper.  You’ll inhale a good amount of exhaust and run the risk of sliding under the vehicle, but I never said skitching was without risks.  A length of rope or chain gets you out of the exhaust fumes, but it can also set you up to be whipped around a corner into a telephone pole.  If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: pay attention while skitching.  Any sudden braking by the driver can lead to the most common skitching injury known as face-on-tailgate.  Choose your skitching method wisely and keep a healthy supply of band-aids close at hand.

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Skijoring is like skitching only slower and more primitive.  The sport comes from the Norwegian word skikjøring which means ski driving. Skijoring is usually done with dogs but a horse, cow, reindeer, or wife will do just fine.  Get out your skis, slap a harness on something with legs and you’ll be skijoring across the prairie in no time. For those ready to embrace the snow, quality ski boots in Canada can make every glide smoother and more comfortable. If you can somehow train whatever is pulling you to avoid ravines and low branches, maybe you’ll want to challenge yourself by entering a skijoring competition.  Yes, this is real sport and usually goes hand in hand with dog sledding events.  The granddaddy of all skijoring races is the Road Runner 100 in Whitehorse, Yukon.  Be the fastest to skijor 100 miles and you win a whopping $850!  Losing those fingers to frostbite is nothing compared to being crowned a skijor champion!

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What do you mean it’s too nippy to go for a dip?  You clearly don’t have what it takes to be a Polar Bear.  I’m not talking about the furry, four-legged animals in the Coke commercials.  I’m talking about the lunatics who purposely hurl themselves into freezing lakes, ponds, rivers, and oceans.  If feeling your heart stop then feeling it race like crazy sounds like a good time, there are plenty of nutjobs who will welcome you into their club with open, albeit very shriveled, arms.  Polar Bear clubs aren’t just full of people who lost a bet, these are real organizations packed with psychos who will stop at nothing to imitate ice cubes.  The Coney Island Polar Bear Club is the oldest club in the United States and you can find their members in the water every Sunday from November through April.  The Coney Island Club was founded in 1903 by Bernarr Mcfadden, who believed a dip in the frigid water “can be a boon to one’s stamina, virility, and immunity.”  Further exploration of the Club’s website reveals that some do it “for the possible health benefits,” and “it is possible to get hypothermia.”  You mean there’s no guarantee I’ll feel better and I might die?  Where do I sign?

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Again, this is a real sport with a real following.  Bandy is a combination of soccer, football, and hockey.  It is played on skates on a rink the size of a football field.  Two teams of 11 players try to put the ball in a goal using curved wooden sticks.  Bandy was invented in Russia in the 1700’s, which isn’t at all shocking.  It’s the dead of winter in Siberia in the 1700’s, you’re either going to freeze to death or invent a game that keeps you moving.  You may not have heard of bandy, but it’s actually kind of a big deal in countries that don’t know what the color green looks like.  Finland, Sweden, and Russia are the biggest bandy countries, but the Federation of International Bandy boasts 27 countries including the United States.  The International Olympic Committee is even considering bandy for the 2014 Games in Sochi, Russia.  Take that skijoring!  Maybe bandy can catch on in your neighborhood.  Just take a garden hose, spray down your backyard, let those freezing temperatures go to work, and before you know it you’re playing bandy!

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Just because it’s four degrees outside doesn’t mean you can’t work on your short game.  Dig a hole and grab your sand wedge, it’s that simple.  You might want to use a brightly colored golf ball.  If you don’t, most of your round will be spent searching regardless of the quality of your shot.  Every cul-de-sac could be one hole, or you can put a hole in every neighbor’s yard.  Imagination is the only limitation when it comes to snow golf!  Believe it or not, the inventor of snow golf is none other than Rudyard Kipling.  The author lived in Vermont in the 1890’s and would relax in the winters by playing golf in the snow.   Kipling’s creation now enjoys a worldwide following.  The World Ice Golf Championships are held every year in Uummanaq, Greenland.  The course sits on floating sea ice and the tournament is often held in temperatures of minus 50 degrees Celsius.  Sadly, there are no carts and there is no beer girl to greet you as you come off the green, or white, as it’s called.  Where else in the world can you be a polar bear and lose your ball to a real polar bear?  It may be a great training method, because if you can stick a 7-iron from on top of a glacier, you should have no problem at your local club.

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The folks in Greenland really know how to live it up in winter.  Not only can you win a world championship in snow golf, you can haul a 20-foot shark through a hole in the ice.  All this in the same town!  That’s right, Uummanaq is the place to be if you want to haul in a Greenland shark.  These babies can weigh up to 13-hundred pounds!  Beats the heck out of reeling in a walleye with your uncle in Minnesota!  The Greenland shark can swim at depths of 2000 feet, so the giants are lured closer to the surface with a combination of ground up fish, whale oil, and seal blubber.  The tackle is nothing fancy, but you are encouraged to wear a survival suit in case the beast pulls you into the icy water.  A seven day excursion will run you around 2000 Euros, and I’m almost positive you’ll have to sign some kind of liability waiver.  Don’t worry, it’s still not nearly as dangerous as skitching.

The Gifts That Keep On Giving




It’s Christmas Eve, but it’s not too late.  There’s still time to pick up a few things for your kids.  And no, I’m not talking about the Wii controller, the latest Xbox game, the flatscreen TV, or the new laptop, all of which you can get for a good price at a pawnshop like maxpawn.com.  I’m talking about the gifts that will make memories for years; the gifts your kids will really appreciate when they get older.

Memory Makers

My best presents weren’t the Legos or the Gameboy or the sweatshirt.  As I look back on my childhood Christmases, my favorite gifts were the ones that forced me outside.  I remember the Nerf football, spongy and shining out of the box, that survived hundreds of sessions of pick-up football in the cul-de-sac until finally it was nothing more than a bare block of foam.  It’s paint gone from all those incompletions scraping off the asphalt, it’s shape altered by the times the neighbor’s dog got a hold of it.

I remember the hockey sticks for my brother and the goalie pads for me.  Gifts that turned our driveway into an imaginary rink.  Gifts that transformed my brother into the overtime goal scorer, and me into the netminder who preserved a shutout with his spectacular glove save.  Believe it or not, that hockey gear is still in my parents’ garage, and still gets use from time to time.  Simple gifts that gave me my favorite times with my brother and inspired in me a love of hockey that I still possess today.

Continue reading The Gifts That Keep On Giving