by Joey Rodman
I grew up in a pretty straight-laced family. My mother would put my hair in pin-curls and make me wear the whole puffy dress, tights, patent leather Mary Janes getup for every school picture. She would claim that it was the one day a year I looked “like a normal little girl.”
My friends and in laws have often asked me how someone like me came out of the family I did. One of my friends was a little unnerved at the idea that I even had parents, much less that they were very conservative and did things the “socially acceptable” way. I have an explanation though. Recently I got some old pictures of my grandmother in the mail. The first one in the stack? Grandma in a dress and tennis shoes. It was then that I remembered her telling me as a child “never wear shoes you can’t run away in,” and I never do. Maybe quirkiness skips a generation.
I really try to be normal. It’s hard. Sometimes my abnormality is cute, and other times it makes me the social pariah. In elementary school I was more interested in architecture than Barbies. I remember being at my friend’s birthday party and she received a beautiful doll house. All the girls gathered around exclaiming, “Oh, it’s got a baby bed!” and “Lookit! The oven opens!”…my contribution to the conversation? “The dormer windows are nice!” Dead silence. Everyone in the room stopped and looked at me. My friend rolled her eyes and said “Joey, stop saying nerdy things,” and everyone uncomfortably picked up their chatter again. I wasn’t invited to any parties for a while.
I tell you this because I have a confession to make and I hope you don’t shun me for it. I hate snow. I don’t think it’s pretty or magical or fun or exciting. I hate it. While most of my friends are taking their kids out sledding, making snow ice cream, building snowmen, or having snowball fights, I’m huddled up in the house praying for it all to go away. Snow is cold, messy, boring and a big inconvenience if you ask me. If it never snowed again I would be happy.
Snow is cold. My kids are giddy. I try not to pass down my antipathy for snow down to them, but I think they’re catching on. In 2009 we had a large amount of snow fall on Christmas eve. Their dad was home so they all went outside and played in it while I stood on the sidelines (in the nicely shoveled path that my husband made for me) and took pictures.
This snow storm is not over a holiday though. My husband is essential personnel at work and so he’s gone. He was gone for over 12 hours yesterday. We did not go outside to play. I blamed it on the temperature, and, luckily the news meteorologist helped that along by repeating the word “deadly” about a bazillion times. Today though? Nobody is calling it deadly to be outside. I just keep repeating that it is still too cold to play. It’s not even double digits outside. “Too COLD.”
Snow is messy. There is no way to avoid tracking it everywhere. My entry way is a big slushy mess. No matter how much I shovel it, my breezeway is covered in flakes. In a few days when it begins to melt there will be dirty snow everywhere littering the roadways, parking lots and sidewalks. Brown slush that you can’t avoid. Disgusting.
Snow is boring. It’s all one color and it just sits there, mocking me. Thunderstorms are fun!, exciting!, magical! Snow is something that makes it harder for me to function, interrupts my regularly scheduled programming for updates like: “It’s cold outside.” If I have to see another news person bundled up and surrounded by nothing but white terrain telling me “It’s cold outside and it’s dangerous so stay home,” I’m going to scream.
Snow is inconvenient. There is a good 3 foot snow drift blocking me and my dog from getting our daily walk. Since my dog is small I have to carry him over it, and since I’m short, a 3 foot snow drift is almost as tall as I am. I tried to shovel it but there is literally no point. Wherever I put the snow it would just be in the way again. Snow is EVERYWHERE already and it’s causing me nothing but trouble. It should not take an hour to carve out a place for my dog to pee, and yet it does.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who notices the problems associated with snow, but I know I am not. I know all of you know it’s cold, messy, boring, and inconvenient. What I do not understand is how you know all those things and are still excited and happy that it is here!? I just don’t get it.
Snow or not, spring is coming and thunderstorms will start up, I will be happy. Rainy days are my favorite. I’m sure you’ll complain about them… and then we’ll be even.