N.U.T. #5 – I don’t raise my voice in anger.

A real man rarely raises his voice and when he does, it is never out of anger.

A real man’s influence comes from the gravity of what he has to say and the character he has built over time. He lets his words stand on their own merit without resorting to amplifying his volume and furrowing his eyebrows to get his point across.

A real man knows that to raise his voice in anger, is to lose control of his emotions. When a man loses control of his emotions, his emotions then control him, and a real man is not controlled by his emotions. A real man realizes that screaming or yelling in anger or to get a point across is the vice of the emotionally weak. He is not afraid to express his emotions, but he is not controlled by them. A real man knows that yelling, though somewhat instinctive, is reactive and a real man rarely reacts… a real man acts with intention.

A real man knows that he when he raises his voice, people often tune him out and miss his message. And yet, the opposite happens when his voice is calm, cool, and collected. He finds that other people actually begin to lean in closer to hear what he has to say. They tune into his message and (if what he’s trying to convey has merit) he is able to persuade or influence them appropriately.

A real man sees that yelling as a form of persuasion or influence simply does not work. Not only that, but he also realizes that his yelling gives everyone around him a headache and makes him feel incompetent. Sure, he may have some short-term success with it, but his long-term credibility is eroded every time he resorts to raising his voice.

Although I don’t have experience in all of the following arenas of life, I think this principle applies to them all. A real man doesn’t yell at: his children, his wife, his employees, waiters and waitresses, sporting officials at his children’s sporting events, people who cut him off while driving, or really anyone else for that matter.

A real man realizes that raising his voice as a form of persuasive expression is simply not effective. It usually only clouds whatever point he’s trying to make while frustrating and aggravating the people he’s trying to make it to.

The only situations where it’s appropriate for a real man to raise his voice in a reactive manner are those involving the imminent danger of other people. If a real man sees someone standing on the train tracks with a locomotive barreling down on them at 80 mph, and he’s too far away to physically knock them out of harms way, it’s perfectly OK for him to scream, “GET OFF THE TRACKS!!!”

But then again, when was the last time you heard a man yelling to help make someone else aware of an immediate threat to their safety?

When he’s not angry, a real man may infuse his words with passion and excitement – in fact, the more so the better. But this only applies in positive situations… situations where smiling would also be a perfectly natural expression.

A real man does not raise his voice in anger and neither do I.


Previous N.U.T.’s

N.U.T. # 1 – I am faithful to my wife.
N.U.T. #2 – I don’t text or email while driving.
N.U.T. #3 – I live below my means.
N.U.T. #4 – I’m involved in the life of my children