The Road to Uncool is Paved With Good Parenting

Australian drama, "Mortified," starring Marny Kennedy as Taylor Fry, an 11-year-old constantly embarrassed by her unpredictable family...a good example of the "Uncool Parenting Road" metaphor.

I could fill many pages with the profound truths of the parenting experience.  The second I held my newborn daughter in my arms on August 23, 2004, I felt both empowered and daunted by the task at hand.  Most of us would agree that we are not adequately prepared for the role of PARENT and we sometimes question our decisions along the way.  The first lesson the new parent learns is that few issues are of the clear-cut, black or white variety and raising a child is not as easy as expected.  However, children are precious gifts from God and we pour into them our love, time, resources and occasionally a little wisdom.  In turn, they love us unconditionally and embrace us as both Superman and Mother Teresa.

And then they turn on us.  Regardless of the relationship we have with our children, at some point they will become utterly and wholly embarrassed by us and we will begin a dreaded free-fall from our esteemed perch.  We will be relegated to a category of “uncool” which will encompass our words, appearance, music choices, wardrobe, the way we walk, the way we breathe….you get the picture.

When I was a teenager, my mother’s crimes against humanity involved her use of odd or slightly “off” words for common items or acts.  For example, instead of “throw up” she would use the not-so-easy-on-the-ears term “urp.”  There was nothing that made me red in the face more than hearing this word roll off her tongue in all its onomatopoeia glory.  As I write this, I’m struck by the question of why my mother would ever need to refer to the act of regurgitation in front of others outside our family but c’est la vie.

I also remember the devastation of seeing her in a bright yellow blazer which taunted me with its humiliating, well, yellowness.  I remember getting reprimanded by my father for criticizing my mother’s clothing choices (although I secretly think he hated that blazer as much as I did).  I, however, thought I was advancing her fashion aptitude by picking her apart each morning.

Of course, I blame my temporary rudeness on a not-yet-developed frontal lobe.  I wouldn’t change a thing about my childhood and have long since pardoned my mom and dad for offenses that existed largely in my own insecure head.  Now that the shoe is on the other foot, I can only imagine the ridicule I will face in the years to come.  And, trust me, I already feel like I live with a 15 year old so I’ve given up hope that we will be spared tumultuous teenage years.

In fact, Bailey is developing a critical eye which seems to be largely focused on me.  About a year ago, Bailey told me she didn’t like one of my outfits as it made me look too much like a boy.  While I scoffed at the idea of a 6 year old telling me what not to wear, I’ll admit I’ve never worn it since. Continue reading The Road to Uncool is Paved With Good Parenting

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The 2011 Imaginary Family Project – Week 7

#7 of 52 : J. WARNER CHRISTIE & JOANN CHRISTIE

External Photo Clues:
Handwritten on the back : “Taken at Christmas when her Daddy was home. -1942-”

Imagine:
Mom and I were cleaning the garage the other day and came across my grandfather’s old “mess kit,” or at least that’s what she said he called it. An old, battered trunk, it contains all that’s left of his military service during World War II. It’s not much to memorialize such a full and tumultuous time in his life, but my grandfather tends to mostly live inside his own skin, not needing a lot of external “stuff” to anchor him to the world. You can’t come across something like that trunk, tucked away in a dusty corner, and not want to lift the lid, smiling over the contents as you call up memories of each artifact. Tucked away in the lid compartment, we found this photo taken in 1942 when my mother was a year and a half old.

“I don’t remember that Christmas. Not surprising. I was so young. Not many pictures left of me and Daddy from those years,” she said, cupping the photo in her hands. My grandfather was an Army officer, initially stationed in El Paso, Texas where he met my grandmother. Like all military families, they moved often.

“I learned not to get too attached to things,” she continued. “My toys often didn’t survive our moves. Boxes just disappeared, things broke. Mama always took it in stride, though. It came with the territory. You know, I think she was always just thankful that she still had her husband, what with the war on and all. So many of her friends didn’t,” she said. She smiled sadly, still looking at the photograph. Then she looked up at me.

“I never did like mules,” she began. Continue reading The 2011 Imaginary Family Project – Week 7

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Rules for Dating My Daughter

While my wife was pregnant with our little girl last summer, I spent a lot of time thinking about certain things I wanted for her in life and continue to do so today, now that she’s almost five months old. And as the father of any little girl will tell you, one of the things a dad thinks about from the very earliest days of his daughter’s precious existence is who will some day replace him as the number one male in her life. While it would suit me just fine if  my daughter was single all of her life (sort of “the Mother Teresa” approach) I realize it’s more likely than not that a young man will come along and want to date her Last summer, with these things in mind, I composed the following 15 rules (technically they’re more like principles) that any young man would be wise to heed if he wishes to pursue courtship and romantic involvement with my daughter.

People who are having difficulty meeting people to date may click here.

1. You must read this blog in it’s entirety. Not only is it full of wisdom, but what better way to a young woman’s heart than through the mind of her father?

2. Your automobile must be brand new and equipped with the latest safety features. Driver, passenger, side, and curtain airbags must come standard on your car. Dynamic traction control is a plus, as are roll bars, reinforced steel door pillars, anti-lock breaks, and crumple zones. When you come to pick her up for your first date, please bring a copy of either the Car and Driver or Motor Trends safety report for your trusty rubber-footed steed. I will read it while we sit and wait on my daughter to finish getting ready. If I have questions, I will ask you. Do not speak until you are spoken to.

3. My daughter is always to be returned in better condition than when you picked her up. I call this the return policy. Violate it and I will charge you a steep re-stocking fee.

Continue reading Rules for Dating My Daughter

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How to Teach Your Children About Marriage…Without Saying A Word

New parents, and new marriage teachers.

Have you ever seen a child imitate a behavior they just observed?  Or catch them trying something out they saw happen in their home, on TV or when they were in a public location?  These small snapshots of a day in the life of a developing child can make anyone smile.  However, they also give us first hand examples of just how impressionable young minds are.

Depending upon what professional you speak with, these imitation behaviors might be attributed to “Learning Theory,” or in some situations, “Script Theory.”  Other family scientists call it “modeling” or attribute a child’s actions to something called “Symbolic Interaction.”  But regardless of what this phenomenon is called, it’s real.  It happens every day in the life of a parent and child.  And, it’s way more powerful than you might sometimes think.

I wish I had a positive impact video to show you along side this particular clip.  However, I think it does a pretty good job and getting the message across of my post today:

Continue reading How to Teach Your Children About Marriage…Without Saying A Word

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Meanwhile, Back at The Ranch: Some Days Words Are Enough

This snowfall in 2011 has really wreaked some havoc on my daily schedule, but in keeping with my Ranch Hand Guide for 2011, I’m just going with the flow.  I took advantage of a snow day last week by cleaning and reorganizing my craft closet.  This of course, affected other closets in my home, but I found some words that made me smile.

By “cleaning” I mean I dumped items out onto the floor and separated them into one of three piles: estate sale, burn pile, and trash.  If I could justify keeping it, I put it in a container and moved on.  Eventually, I made my way upstairs and started going through my folder from all of my years of teaching.  I took a little time to reorganize my work history, and then I opened a file folder that I had named “Love Letters.”

I remember making that folder.

Love Letters File Folder
This folder holds the motivation for getting me through one more day.

This folder holds my motivation for going to work every day.  I am a teacher.  We are up against scrutiny from every direction, but every once in a while we make a difference.  Even less often, someone thanks us for it.  Even less often than that, someone actually writes a note expressing his or her gratitude.  Those notes from parents and students written to me expressing some kind of thanks for something I did for them are in that folder.

I read every one.

The topics of the notes had nothing to do with the subject I taught at the time.  Parents wrote about getting their kids through “a difficult” year; students wrote about getting them through “a difficult” year.  Neither group mentioned a noun, verb, or essay.

I needed to be reminded of that.

Continue reading Meanwhile, Back at The Ranch: Some Days Words Are Enough

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Showcasing Red Dirt culture ~ authored and managed by contributors with connections to the great state of Oklahoma.