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Sports Nightmares: The Anti-Bucket List

Everyone has a bucket list.  You know, that list of stuff you want to do before your time is up.  For sports fans, the bucket list consists of far-fetched wishes like visiting every major league baseball stadium, attending all four tennis grand slams, or buying tickets to game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals.  The perfect sports getaway is a possibility that exists in our dreams but usually not in our bank accounts.  You’ll often hear fans say “Wouldn’t it be awesome if…?”  They speak as if there’s some sort of magical sports genie who will one day grant all their wishes to see the biggest games and meet the biggest stars.

What isn’t talked about, are sports nightmares.  That’s right; those are the events you would never want to see.  They are the games you would consider a form of pure torture to have to sit through.  Maybe the sports genie turns out to be evil and you are subjected to some of the worst moments a fan could ever experience.  You would rather spend an entire day at the mall shopping with your wife, than be granted free tickets to any of these events.  You would volunteer to attend a wedding on a college football Saturday before you’d volunteer to watch even a minute of these competitions.

So here they are, ten of the most painful, and mind-numbingly brutal events a sports fan could ever be forced to witness.

Turn in your man card...now. (courtesy news.xinhuanet.com)

1.      Men’s Figure Skating

I know these fellas can do some amazing tricks on ice, but as a dude, it’s never okay to put on spandex and glitter and be happy about it.  Start competing in regular clothes and maybe you’ll earn a shred of my respect, although even a pair of khakis or a designer suit can’t make up for all the prancing and jazz hands.   It’s embarrassing to watch a grown man wearing six pounds of makeup and a flesh colored leotard.  I don’t know how people watch this without squirming at the utter absurdity of the whole sport.  The only thing more humiliating than participating in men’s figure skating is admitting that you watch men’s figure skating.   This has to be the reason why people first started putting two TV’s in their home.

2. Cheerleading Competition Continue reading Sports Nightmares: The Anti-Bucket List