by Rob Loeber
I choose to see the good in people. At least I try to see the good in people. Most folks have a good grasp on manners, courtesy, basic human decency and consideration for the feelings of others.
But apparently there are still some out there, who don’t quite understand what it means to be a part of society. You know who they are, and they know who they are. There’s a good possibility you’ve been directly afflicted by their negligence. I’m talking of course about the people who choose to get married on a football weekend in the fall.
There is no longer any excuse for this. Of all the unwritten rules and laws, breaking this one is the most egregious offense.
I had a buddy call me the other day and tell me he has to attend a wedding on the evening of the OU/Florida State game. What!? The groom’s excuse: “Well it’s a bye week for OSU.” Dude. Just because the team you like is off, what about the rest of the poor saps you invited? I’m not talking about only the OU fans, what if you’re a fan of football at all?
This disturbing trend has to stop. I know it’s your wedding day and you’re supposed to be able to plan it however and whenever you want. You might not be a football fan or have any allegiance to any particular team. I know it’s your big day and all the attention should be on you and your so-called love. If you’re actually happy then good for you, but holding your nuptials on a football Saturday or Sunday is a sure fire way to suck all the joy out of what could be an otherwise beautiful ceremony. Here’s the question that must be asked: Do you want people to attend your wedding because they want to, or because they have to? If you shoot for a weekend between September and early January, the vast majority of your guests will be there begrudgingly.
I put most of the responsibility on the groom. You can be a yes man on almost everything and you can say “whatever you want honey” like it’s a bodily function. You can agree to wear the pink vest under your tux. You can give in to serving fish even though you want chicken. You can have her deny your request for an ice sculpture and a chocolate fountain. You can even nod your head along with her as if you understand the reasoning behind centerpieces and chair coverings. Give her absolutely everything she wants but for the love of all that is sacred in sports, you must check the calendar and you must not allow her to pick the date.
And look fellas, I’m just going to give it to you straight here. If you concede everything else, and she refuses to budge on the date, that’s a pretty good sign that you might want to rethink this whole marriage idea. If she can’t compromise on this tiny little issue, get ready to have your ideas shot down for a good long while.
Half of the year is wide open. There are six months of acceptable wedding weekends available February through August. Now, it would be considerate to avoid dates like Sunday at The Masters, the NFL Draft, and the Stanley Cup Finals, but weddings on those dates can actually be forgiven.
I know some of you think football is silly, that it’s just a game and it’s not something to get all worked up about. Keep telling yourself that and see how long your close friends stay at your reception. See what kind of gifts you get and it will become abundantly clear that your friends did not appreciate your choice of dates. When you get a set of plastic spatulas instead of that five speed blender you registered for, you’ll know someone is sending you a message.
Remember, all this can be easily avoided. Saturdays and Sundays are meant to be devoted to watching football so buy your Man City tickets now. Not only one team and one game, but as many games as humanly possible. There is time to go to church on Sunday morning because NFL games don’t start until noon, but there isn’t time in a weekend for anything else. Not showers, not recitals, and definitely not weddings.
While we’re at it, let’s make fall Fridays off limits as well. That’s when high school football is played and it’s technically part of the weekend, so if you could steer clear of those dates too it’d be much appreciated.
Don’t make me lose my faith in people.