Tag Archives: book recommendations

I Don’t Recommend Books…But If I DID (Part 2)

Kelly M. Roberts, MS, LMFT

Last week, I wrote a post beginning my answer to a common question I receive in my academic or therapeutic role.  That question is, “What book would you recommend for couples experiencing (enter any category) issue?” or, “I’m going to buy a good book for (x) couple, what do you recommend?”  I decided to break the answer down into the top five “couples issues” areas I hear about most frequently, and first begin by addressing the “core three.”  I named these as:  parenting, financial struggles, and sex/intimacy.  In my first post, I covered book recommendations and some discussion over parenting and finances.  Today I’m going to talk about sex and intimacy issues, and then move into topic number four: developing yourselves as individuals within a marriage or relationship.

Sex or Intimacy Issues

To begin, let me just say that couples all seem to have their own strength areas within their relationship.  I’ve spent a good amount of time with some couples who excel at sex and/or intimacy together, but have multiple challenges in other areas.  However, I’ve seen just the opposite as well.  Some couples I know are excellent at parenting as a team, managing their finances as a team, and seem to otherwise (at least from those on the outside) have a strong and capable relationship.  But when it comes to intimacy (sharing vulnerabilities and deep-felt support) or sex, some of the seemingly greatest “power couples” run into problems.  A lot of problems.

Many of these intimacy and sex related problems have to do with trust, or strong patterns developed from their own families of origin.  I’ll cover these problems in the last entry.  Some challenges, however, are simply a matter of thinking, learning, growing or communicating, becoming comfortable with each other and asking for (and meeting) needs. And many are simply the result of leading overscheduled lives in a stressful environment.

Continue reading I Don’t Recommend Books…But If I DID (Part 2)

I Don’t Recommend Books…But If I DID…

Kelly M. Roberts, MS, LMFT - Clinical Instructor, Oklahoma State University

Friends, colleagues and sometimes people I don’t even know very well  ask me this same question several times each year, AND I provide them with a baffled face and stammering answer every single time: “Hey, what book do you recommend for __(enter any couples issue)__ ?  I’m thinking about buying a few books today.” OR …“I have a friend who is looking for a book.”  OR,… “I want to recommend a book, can you help me?”

I struggle with two main issues when asked this question.  First, I have no idea what the person or couple has already read.  And secondly, people apply books and personal growth in such unique ways that sometimes what I think is a great read or extremely applicable might fall flat with another person.  Or sometimes that flips and what I think isn’t necessarily sound or grounded information is the “key” to helping someone get out of a rut.

Therefore, understanding that you may have already read some (or all) of these books, and, that you may not get out of them what I or some of my clients have gotten, I’ve put together a list of the top five challenges I see couples face on a regular basis and books that might help in direct or indirect ways.  However, I’ve also provided a bit of discussion to go along with the books so I’ll be breaking this post into two or three parts.  Here we go…

To begin, I want to address the core “top three” basic challenges most couples will experience at some time in their life: opposing views on parenting, financial struggles, and sex/intimacy.  In that order:

Continue reading I Don’t Recommend Books…But If I DID…