To the Father of Hannah, Who Posted the FB Note: “To My Parents”

Last night an acquaintance of mine posted this video on his Facebook page.  He had retrieved it from Reddit and was heralding the dad’s actions.  Then another acquaintance of mine chimed in and sent a rally cry through her post in favor of the dad as well.

Then I watched that video which was cheered on by two of my Facebook connections…and was filled up with an overabundance of sobering thoughts, one of which was, “Okay, this puppy is going viral I’ll bet.  It will be in the headlines tomorrow.”

And it was.  On the front page of Yahoo’s news stories, the disappointed father of Hannah was featured with a story detailing the contents of the video.  I was still processing quite a few aspects of the particular situation when I ate lunch with two of my colleagues, both of whom were male, both of whom own guns, both of whom were family scientists (one’s research specialization area is adolescents and family) and who both had an opinion about the video.

They liked the idea of a father using the same medium as the daughter to communicate a message to her.  They did not agree with the father’s tactics of sarcasm, one-uppance, shooting the laptop with eight rounds from him and “one from the mother.”  Then the subject changed, and I continued to process the situation through this evening.

So tonight I’m ready to write to the father of Hannah who posted the “To My Parents” note on her Facebook. I’m done with my processing, but I’m sure he’s not close to being done…and I’m thinking about their family.

Here is my letter to you, dad…

Dear father of Hannah:

I watched the video you posted for others to see and thought about you, your wife and Hannah today.  I talked to some friends about your struggle and I read a couple of newspaper articles covering the “news” of your video getting widespread attention.

I would imagine that things are really weird around your house right now.  You’re probably getting quite a few media calls, Hannah is probably getting quite a few media calls too, and I would imagine that your life changed more than you could have imagined since last night.  That’s a big consequence for the decision to make and post your video response to Hannah.  I hope you all are okay through the hulabaloo, because after it dies down you all will have some healing to do. 

How do I know that?  Because of what you wrote, not because of what you said on your video.  Here’s what I’m referring to in case the message is a little lost in all this chaos:

“Today was probably the most disappointing day of my life as a father and I don’t know how to correct the situation.”

Coming from a father who just shot his daughter’s laptop with nine rounds from his .45 caliber handgun, that’s a really open, honest, vulnerable and very real statement.  In an odd way, I’ll bet Hannah could write a good portion of that message as well.  She may not know how to correct the situation either. Continue reading To the Father of Hannah, Who Posted the FB Note: “To My Parents”

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On the Horizon: To Tax or Not To Tax

We all love to hate them, but we love the benefits they provide. Taxes may prove to be the hottest issue in the state legislature this session. During her State of the State address, Governor Mary Fallin proposed a plan to phase out Oklahoma’s personal income tax. The three-point plan to phase out the tax is leaving some singing her praises and others raising big questions.

In this week’s video blog, we sit down with lawmakers on both sides of the issue.
~Courtenay Dehoff

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Who Are Your Sweethearts?

 

Papa and Sara, 1963

I Corinthians 13:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited,
5 does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs.

6 Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.
7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8A Love never ends.
13 Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

 (said Aibiline Clark, the maid, to little Mae Mobley Leefolt) 

February has found us all ready!  February, the shortest month of the year, is filled to the brim with special days.  Black History Month, American Heart Month, and Library Month, Groundhog’s Day, The Super Bowl, Presidents’ Day and Presidential birthdays, Spunky Old Broads’ Day, National Visit A Shut-in Day, Leap Day, Freelance Writers’ Appreciation Week, International Friendship Week, along with many others special days all share their glory in the month of February.  My favorite day of the month falls in the middle on the 14th – yes, Valentine’s Day. A little Googling or chacha-ing* will lead you to the story of St. Valentine.  Here is a quick link:   http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day

I confess, that in my youth, if there was no one to shower me flowers, chocolates and sweet nothings, I would mope around with a long face each year around St. Valentine’s Day.  That all changed in college, with the help of an intermittent job. Continue reading Who Are Your Sweethearts?

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St. Valentine is not the Patron Saint of Debt

Awwww new love!

Editor’s note – this is a “from the vault” release that never stops being relevant for you, your loved ones, or Valentine’s Day…enjoy!

Here we are again. Valentine’s Day has come back around and if you’re like me, the status of your love life is directly proportional to how you feel about the holiday. Lucky for me, I’m now happily married to a great guy. This year I have some conversation hearts in a jar on my desk, a pink and red wreath on my office door, and heart wallpaper on my cell phone. Heck, I will probably even wear red on the actual day. Love is grand! But this hasn’t always been the case. If I were stuck back where I was eight years ago, single and somewhat bitter about love (when I spent Valentine’s Day with a guy friend eating wings at Hooters), I’d probably be tempted to pelt a few snowballs at any happy couple that wandered into striking distance. I will sheepishly admit that in my “loveless” years I may have crudely referred to the holiday as VD.

I’ve heard many times that Valentine’s Day is just a made up holiday to line the pockets of candy and card makers. I can understand why people would say that but I also think they’re missing the point. Is there anything really wrong with taking one day to focus on telling our loved ones how we feel about them?

The key is not to get carried away with overspending and to focus on the point of the holiday, which is to show someone that you love and appreciate him/her. Choose carefully how you share the love. According to my friend Carla, her husband had better not even consider getting her that footed pajama thing she keeps seeing ads for. Apparently, she is not buying the claims that “it feels like a hug”. Even if you can’t afford a giant stuffed bear, Godiva chocolates, jewelry, and two dozen roses for your sweetie, there are still ways to show that you care without going into debt.

Continue reading St. Valentine is not the Patron Saint of Debt

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Preserve, Protect and Defend: A Credo for Our Intimate Relationships

John F. Kennedy said it during his swearing in ceremony almost three years before I was born.

Lyndon B Johnson said it after Kennedy died, and again in 1965 with Lady Bird at his side. Her solemn face only allowing a smile after the final word of the oath of office was completed.

Nixon was next, with Pat slightly raising her chin when he said three special words;  followed by Ford then  Carter.  They all said it in their own style, with their own emphasis and punctuation. Slow and steady, with a very Southern flair, or with their best resolve.

Reagan said it  twice while nodding with determination as only he could do; his second round was more subdued and solemn than the first. Then Bush the Elder, and Clinton twice, his first oath completed with a slight grin and classic tightening of his lower lip, the second completed much like Reagan’s second – more subdued and solemn.  Bush the younger twice (interestingly, with the same pace and energy level as the first time) and finally Obama.  Obama’s oath of office was interesting in that there was more than the usual level of cheering from the crowd, Obama smiled a little more than most presidents preparing for the oath of office, and he and the Chief Justice had to repeat a few words in order to get things straight.

But every one of these presidents, and all those before the ones I’ve listed here, took the oath of office on inauguration day, and they all said this:

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

Many of them ended their oath with, “…so help me, God.”  And, all of them could have certainly used the help of a Higher Power to manage their work.  But one of the strongest portions of all the videos I’ve reviewed was that of each president stating that they would “preserve, protect and defend” the Constitution of the United States.

In other words, the elected leader of the U.S. swears to preserve, protect and defend the supreme law of our country…in front of God and everybody.  It’s a very public oath for a very serious job.

Many of those reading this post today will have taken a very public oath for a very serious job of their own – their wedding vows, pledged to their partner in front of God and everybody.  And I’ve been wondering about something.  We know that traditionally couples affirm phrases to each other such as:

I take you to be my wedded wife/husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

In other words, they have pledged their faithfulness to “the supreme relationship status” in our country.  But I wonder, would vows be measured and stated any differently if the phrase, “to preserve, protect and defend” were to be included? Continue reading Preserve, Protect and Defend: A Credo for Our Intimate Relationships

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