Reframing Your Problems in 2011

Nosy neighbor? Gossipy comrades?

As you prepare to enter your New Year I wonder…are there people in your life who drive you crazy? Can you count on them to continue to do or say the same ridiculous, lame or annoying things over and over?  Do they grate on your nerves so much that you go out of your way to avoid them even though you know that keeping a connection with them would be better for you or your family?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then it might be time for you to become a reframing expert this year.  The word “reframing” is used in relation to several different conceptual areas (math, problem solving, dealing with people, education, etc.).  I am specifically writing today, however, about how we see, understand, perceive and “know” people.  Human beings can really get into deep ruts with how they perceive people.  Sometimes these ruts feel or seem so deep that we give up.  We quit hoping that the “problem” person will change.  Rather, our solution is to put up with, avoid, or hurry through interactions with them.

However, reframing might be just the step stool you needed in order to get out of those ruts…and stay out. So, what are reframes?

Anthony Robbins wrote, “A signal has meaning only in the frame or context in which we perceive it. And although Tony Robbins is known for his powerful presentations on dealing with people, and implementing reframes, he wasn’t the first person to really articulate techniques for changing the games people play.  Therapists such as Virginia Satir and Milton Erickson are generally credited with defining them first when it comes to dealing with people.  Reframes are renaming, or “re-framing” ideas about people in positive ways that were generally seen as negative. When someone hears a reframe, their brain almost does a double-take.  In other words, it gives the people involved a chance to step back, take advantage of how things were shaken up, and redefine the “meaning in which we perceive” them or their behavior.  The trick is…if the problem is perceived negatively, the reframe must always be implemented with a positive approach. To reframe one negative into another does no one any good.

Here are a few examples to help you understand specifically what this might look like.  You might recognize some people in your own life, and that is good too because you can begin practicing right now!

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One Voice of the Oklahoma Prairie

Editor’s Note:  Julie at the Ranch is, as we speak, somewhere in northwestern Oklahoma enjoying some time with friends.  Incidentally, she and I will be driving to south-central and northwestern Oklahoma tomorrow.  We’ll check in from time to time with information about what we found.  We’ll be talking to people, seeing places, and working on developing the RDC just a bit more. In the meantime, please accept this post as a substitute for her regular, “Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch” work. ~ RDK

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My grandmother Emma Lee, present day. I think she looks pretty good for someone who is 88 years old.

On November 13th of this year, I posted a short “Simple Sabbath” entry and described a project I had been working on for a while.  It entailed typing up my grandmother’s handwritten memoirs she recorded over a period of about twenty-two years in order for us to have a sense of our family history from her perspective.  I finished the first draft and provided her a spiral-bound copy for a Christmas present.  She will be reviewing the draft for any inaccuracies and then I’m going to go over it with an editorial eye for the final draft.  I asked her permission to begin sharing some of her memories with you, our RDC reading community, and she replied, “Oh yes, of course, honey.  That’s fine.”

And so, with that permission tucked away in my head, here is the beginning entry of her work.  I plan on publishing an excerpt on Tuesday evenings as a follow up to Julie’s posts.  I haven’t decided whether or not they will come out weekly or bi-weekly.  One more note…my grandmother wrote just like she talked.  I may keep much of this style intact, so if you see very few periods or commas, you’ll understand why.  Thanks, Kelly

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One Voice of the Oklahoma Prairie:  My Grandmother’s Memoirs

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RDC Contributors Christmas Questions & Answers

In the spirit of having a little Christmas fun and introducing you to our authors in a different way, Joey prepared five Christmas questions for our contributors to answer.  This was a last minute effort so not all of them are represented, but you’ll get to know a few of them just a bit more. If you can’t recall who is writing the answers, just check out the Contributor section on the front page navigation.  If you “hover” your mouse over the photos, you can then click any of the information about them, including a locator link for their work.  Enjoy the banter…enjoy the Day!

1. What is your favorite Christmas song?

Julie-Christmas music drives me insane unless it’s Bruce Springsteen or something else from A Very Special Christmas.

Jani-“Here Comes Santa Claus” by Gene Autry

Whitni- Carol of the Bells

Kendy-  I never met a Christmas song I didn’t like, but I think I’m partial to “O Holy Night.”

Kelly- Bing Crosby’s “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas,” played on a record player with a slightly scratchy quality.

Jennifer-My favorite Christmas song is “O Holy Night” by Martina McBride. That girl has some pipes!

Joey- I have a lot of favorites, for the past few years though I think “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” as sung by Barenaked Ladies has been my favorite. I love songs that tell the Christmas story in them.

Rob- O Come, O Come Emmanuel – maybe not mainstream, but my favorite hymn.  If this isn’t sung at Christmas Eve service, I’m very disappointed.

2. What is your favorite family Christmas tradition?

Julie- We play Bingo with a theme of gifts up for grabs. The Wine Gift theme was especially fun.

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Great gift ideas for Christmas!

by Alfred Lamar Jackson

INTRO

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good morning! Yeah I switched it up on you. I couldn’t do the traditional thing. I also couldn’t bear the thought of posting a Christmas-y type message because I think that it’s expected on Christmas, naturally. So I wanted to come up with a topic completely unrelated to Christmas, however it is related to reason we celebrate Christmas. And the reason we celebrate class is, all together, “JESUS.” Very good.

Well here’s the result of my attempt: epic fail. I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to talk about gifts. More importantly I want to converse about the gifts that we give Jesus. I think most folks would jump to tithing, but I’m going to skip over to the spiritual gifts. Romans 12:1-2 is very “meaty” verse in my opinion, but I’m going to focus on a simple aspect.

“Therefore I urge you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

So this is simply put, Jesus’ birthday wish list. He wants my body as a gift. I just wandered if I had ever really truly stopped to think about that? The same person who made me and gave me my body wants it back as a gift.

So what? Well I thought it over and asked myself about…. Myself. (Conundrum) Would I want my body in its current form as a gift? I mean don’t get me wrong, who wouldn’t want a six foot eight tower of lean chocolaty goodness? However, I continued to think about other things such as my heart health, my work ethic, my core values, and the things I’ve done and said or subjected my body to. Would I really want to give all of that to God? Eck!

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Showcasing Red Dirt culture ~ authored and managed by contributors with connections to the great state of Oklahoma.