As we get started here again at the beginning of another new year, a lot of folks I know have made New Year’s resolutions. I have a few things on my list of goals for the year, but technically none of them really qualify as resolutions. In order to help me feel better about my general lack of New Year’s resolutions, I offer the following list of Old Man resolutions; things I would like to be, say, or do when I am an old man. For the purposes of this post, I am defining an old man as someone in his mid to late 80’s.
Without any further ado, when I’m an old man:
I will carry candy in my pockets to give to kids at the grocery store and at church. Who knows what society will be like by the time I’m an old man… maybe I’ll need to stick to doing this at church.
I will wear bib overalls with nothing under them a large majority of the time. Obviously when special occasions call for it, such as the ones listed above, I will change my attire. However, I’ve always thought there’d be something really freeing about spending my days wearing a pair of bib overalls with nothing under them. Unfortunately this is a luxury of the old… but I’m willing to wait.
I will be really nice to some people and really mean to others. I will be extremely inconsistent with this one and make a sport out of trying to be obnoxiously rude and overly kind to the same people multiple times each day. I know this will throw people off, but I will get a good kick out of watching how they react. This would never fly today, but when I’m an old man, people will probably just take it and think to themselves, “Bless his heart.” or “He comes from a different time.” This too is a luxury of the old. Continue reading When I Am An Old Man (Repost: Top 25 of Year One)→
Last month, I wrote a list of things I will do when I’m an old man. Most, if not all of them were pretty tongue and cheek. However, as I was writing it, I kept thinking of more serious things that I wanted to be doing when I’m an old man. And that’s what this list is all about.
Without any further ado, when I’m an old man:
I will still buy flowers for my wife and take her on dates. Just doing my part to keep the lovin’ alive. If I outlive her, I will take flowers to her grave on a regular basis.
I will rise with the fish before the birds. I will watch the former and catch the latter. Go ahead… just try to analyze that one. I dare ya.
I will give away lots of money. I have no idea what “lots of money” will mean for me when I’m an old man, but I’d love to be giving away at least half of whatever annual income I have at the time. If I have any wealth to speak of, I hope to also leave it all to charity. Sorry Iz… hopefully by the time you’re in your 50’s you won’t need your dad’s inheritance.
I will mentor younger men. If you’ve known me for any period of time, you’ve probably figured out by now how much I value mentoring. Most of my experience with mentoring so far in life has been on the receiving end. I hope to some day be on the giving end. Continue reading When I Am An Old Man (Serious Version)→
It’s about doing something that feels dead to you because it makes the other person feel more alive than anything else. It’s about considering the “other” around you and relegating the “self” of you. It’s about reaching outside of yourself and touching a dimension of those around you in a way that is personal, intentional and gives them an electric current through their soul.
These thoughts and more comprise the thesis of Gary Smalley’s “Five Love Languages” book, now assimilated into many cultures and families across the U.S. If you haven’t read the book, you might consider doing it soon. The read is quick, the outline is clear, and there may be those around you that would begin benefiting immediately from your greater understanding of who they are – and how they operate.
To review briefly for those who are not familiar with the work, “Love Languages” are ways to understand the process of yourself and others, and why communications or interactions are (or are not) meaningful. These processes were identified by Smalley as: acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch, and words of affirmation. They must ring true for a great percentage of the population because his “Love Languages” workshops are still filling up across the country. In fact, I ran into people who were familiar with his book while in the UK this past summer.
So, why cover a topic when it’s so familiar?
The other day I was walking across the parking lot of a supermarket. I noticed an older woman being steered into the store by a caregiver. The caregiver could have been a family member, but I’m not sure. It seemed that every interaction between these two people was one of discomfort, misunderstanding, and ended up an impasse. At one point, the older woman said, “Why isn’t it okay that I don’t want a pumpkin? I would just like to enjoy a year where I don’t have to throw away something that just sat there.” The caregiver said, “You’ve always had pumpkins – every year. Let’s just get one, okay?”
Resigned, the older woman put it in her basket, looked around the room helplessly, found my eyes watching the scene, and looked away.
As I pushed my cart down the aisle, picking up groceries here and there, I began to think about my older family members. I wondered how their styles of communication or their needs were being met (or not) by our younger family members. Later that night, I was transcribing some of my grandmother’s memoirs and came across a letter from her father she had copied verbatim. I recalled that my grandmother was also a “writing” person, that she touched many lives by her loyal letter writing over the years.
Then my brain hopped a train down the “Love Languages” track. I began to think about each one of my older family members and wondered if I could identify their “language.” Hmm.
My mother – My parents aren’t really “old,” but they are elders in our family. Mom always brings sacks with things in it, every time she sees us. Perhaps she’s a “receiving gifts” person and gives them because she likes to get them?
My father – He seems to be a “quality time” person. I know he takes friends to lunch, he meets with people for regular breakfasts or get together times to discuss books and politics – that’s how he conveys that he cares.
My Grandma Yates – I think she was a “physical touch” person. She used to always grab grandchildren, pull them toward her, kiss them with a loud smack and give another hug just for good measure.
My Grandpa Yates – I think he was an “acts of service” person. He measured people by what they did, not what they said. And he appreciated what they did. I don’t know if I have enough memories to really identify his love language, but my best guess is service-oriented.
My Grandpa Frank –I wonder if he was a “words of affirmation” person. He used to show us things, then look at us expectantly, waiting for our response. Our job was to say, “Wow – that’s really neat.” Or, “That was a good find, Grandpa.” I think he liked to hear encouragement.
My Grandmother Emma Lee – I wonder if hers is quality time? I know she appreciates it when we come to see her. But I also know she writes many letters. Perhaps the letter writing is a way of giving time, of connecting.
I think I’ve covered enough of my family members to make a point. One of the points I just made with myself is that I don’t know for sure my own family’s love languages; especially the elders in my family who I may just not have considered before.
Do you? My encouragement for you this week is to observe carefully. However it is that the elders in your life engage you may very well be how you could best meet their needs. I can tell right now that I’m going to have to do a bit more investigation. But at least now I am thinking about it.
If you know the love languages of your elders, write a comment and let us know. I’m interested in what you’ve observed of the elders in your life.
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